Posted on March 31, 2013
This is probably going to be one of the most personal posts on this blog. I need to put “pen to paper” and get this off my chest. Had a rather sad experience a couple of days ago when I was cleaning my room which made me realize that I have to make an extra effort not to lose myself and my interest completely in this country:
I had to dust of my camera.
In the 10 years that I’ve been taking photos and bringing my camera everywhere with me, this has NEVER happened. Must say I got a bit upset…and this really made me think. Studies take up so much of my time, and I’ve been really bad at taking proper breaks (not just full zombie mode in front of the computer) and actually go outside with my camera and enjoy what nature got to offer. It’s been hard to feel like I’m not able to be myself to the fullest, with my sewing machine at home in Norway, and my camera collecting dust, there isn’t much of a creative side of me anymore. The creative, animal-loving side of me is part of making me feel whole, and the side that’s on display here in Edinburgh almost feels like a stranger to me.
Being surrounded with people that only know one side of you, where it’s already hard to be myself because of the language, and on top of that not being able to express myself in any other way makes me feel like there’s few people that actually now me for who I am, and not just scraping the surface.
I need a proper plan now that revision weeks are coming up and exams are getting closer, to make sure that spring with all its beautiful changes won’t just pass me outside my bedroom window. I need to make small goals that I’ll try to achieve from day to day, week to week.
I’ve decided to make at least one “adventurous trip” each week where I bring my camera, making sure to clear my schedule for this and enjoy my time instead of feeling guilty whenever I’m doing anything but work. This would be a great chance to bring someone and get to know each other’s, so I’m hoping to bring some friends along for this. I’ve also booked tickets home to Norway in May so that I can be with my family and friends and charge my batteries before going back to Edinburgh for my summer course. Hopefully, these things will help to make me feel more like me again.
Just to make it clear: I do love what I’m studying, and I don’t want to quit. This is just my frustration over the personal aspect of living in another country.
I would love for this blog to be a place where I frequently post new photos of all the exiting things I do in my life, and the fact that my followers keep increasing every day is such a motivation! Thank you to everyone following me, it really does mean the world to me.